I Just Wrote A New Movie Called “Get These Bees Out Of My House!”

It’s a Thanksgiving movie. It starts on the morning of Thanksgiving and it’s about a family that’s getting ready for the family to come over. The leading man has to be someone funny that you can also feel sorry for. Like a Kevin James or a Michael Ian Black or something. And he has to make sure that everything is PERFECT because his in-laws already don’t like him and they wanted to host Thanksgiving.

So in the morning his scrappy young son is playing with his machinery in the backyard (this will appeal to the Home Alone crowd). He’s waging a war on one of the neighbors dogs or something but something malfunctions and a hive of bees gets catapulted into the house.

Oh no!

So the house is filled with bees. Wow. What a premise, I know.

They spend the next few hours trying to get back into the house and get the bees out.

Oh, also the neighbors are weird and the main guy’s rival. It could be a Zach Galifawhatever or a Jim Rash or something.

This guy turns out to be their greatest ally in getting rid of the bees.

So then one by one the family shows up and they all join the fight to clear the house of bees.

Little by little, the house gets destroyed with every failed attempt. And just wait until the big scene at the end. It’s a big surprise so I don’t want to ruin it, but it’s going to be AMAZING.

Let’s get this movie made everybody.

My Favorite Musics of 2011 because this is my blog and i can do whatever i want


Trampled by Turtles – this is bluegrass and it’s really good bluegrass

Dead to Me – some of the best punk rock i’ve heard in a while. THEY GOT TWO LEAD SINGERS

House Boat – They sound like chixdiggit, rades and i agree on this fact

The Bloodroots Barter – more bluegrass, this time with a raspy voice and sometimes a chick that can’t sing singing. fucking awesome

oh great i have the hiccups

Joyce Manor – oh my god i love this album

tUnE-yArDs – yes that’s how she spells her name but dang yo this is some awesome shits

The Horrible Crowes – basically i love the gaslight anthem and this is the lead singer’s other band so it’s also awesome by default

Red City Radio – pretty good punk

Laura Stevenson & The Cans – this one’s got a girl who is the lead singer and man i’m a sucker for that

Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room – i always wished that the alkaline trio would just start playing country/folk songs and i think this is as close as we’re gonna get

ugh these hiccups are not going away

Fucked Up – basically they have redefined (defined?) hardcore rock operas

The Wonder Years – at first glance this is pussy pop punk and you feel like a pussy for listening to it, but it turns out it’s kind of excellent

The Copyrights – the best pop punk act currently out there

Pokey LaFarge – when you ask children “what do you want to be when you grow up?” they will all say “Pokey LaFarge”

The Decemberists – they put out an EP this year and it’s good

Against Me! – they also put out an EP but really they should have called it a single because it’s just 2 songs and one of them is called “occult enemies” and i like to play that song whenever i am killing things in wow

Night Birds – i wish more bands did punk rock the way these guys do punk rock

Cobra Skulls – cowpunk, their last album was a bit more cow and this one is a bit more punk, i’m not sure which one i like more

Wild Flag – remember that chick from sleater-kinney? she’s got a new band that is not as good but is still good

Man Man – so damn fucking weird

Teenage Bottlerocket – i know they had a recent EP but i don’t even know for sure if it came out in 2011, whatever they’re awesome

The Swellers – pretty much the best pop rock out there

Beirut – again, i don’t know if this came out in 2011 but who gives a shit at this point

this list had better end soon because these hiccups are fucking annoying

Bomb The Music Industry! – consistently incredible

Continental – this is some good ass punk rock

Mariachi El Bronx – fuck yeah horns section

Andrew Jackson Jihad – not as good as his previous work, but still better than the shit you listen to

Murder By Death – they just put out a collection of b-sides and live stuff but it’s good

ok i guess that’s enough, go listen to all this stuff or else we’re not friends anymore

EDIT: because i forgot a couple of awesome things

O’Death – great folk

Banner Pilot – great punk

ok that’s enough FOR REAL until i remember some other things i forgot

It’s Motherfuckin’ Punkin Time

GOOD NEWS.  IT’S OCTOBER.  Yeaaaaaaah.

And that means it’s gonna be Halloween and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas which is fun because those are the best holidays but it also means that stores are filled with spices and punkins and shit.  Here’s what you do:

Step 1: Get drunk.

Step 2: Get too drunk.

Step 3: Go to sleep.

Step 4: Wake up with a hangover.

Step 5: Make some coffee.

Step 6: Put this shit in your coffee:


I found it for 98 cents at Target.  I saw it and thought “How would you like to drink Punkin Pie for breakfast every morning, Aldous?” And I said “I would love that very much,” so then I bought it.  It says it’s good for 32 servings but it’s really only good for about 6 or 8 because damn I use way too much yo.