How to LFR and The Dragon’s Soul: The Classiest Guide

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. Won’t you have a seat?

Welcome to our raid, friend. My, what lovely feathers you’re wearing all over your person. I’m glad you’ve decided to join us. We have had a strong need for a boozekin like yourself in our group and I’m pleased to see that this void is finally filled. I’ll be discussing our plans for the evening and explaining our actions as we proceed. Please feel free to interject as you see fit.

The Lesser Beings

Before we are able to reach any beings of great magnitude that provide us with rewards for their assassination, we must face some slightly lesser beings. The decimation of these foes is of the utmost importance. The rest of us will be going off to gather drinks at this point, but you are well suited to handle these creatures on your own, yes? Oh, I almost forgot to mention… the hunter you see down there in group five? His name is Salvanias. He may not be providing much damage but in the unlikely event that his death should occur during an encounter with these vile beasts, we will be expecting you to resurrect him whilst we are still within combat. We understand that this might slip from your mind, and so we have asked him to send you ghostly whispers from the dead until you have performed this task. I shudder to think of the consequences if you do not.

The Large Rocky Gentleman

Well done, sir. You’re performing extremely well thus far. This first major encounter should be incredibly easy for you. Simply stand in one place and attack this large rocky gentleman that stands before us. Let us begin. Yes, yes, very good. Hahaha, this foe shall be nothing more than rubble soon enough. Oh my… he has begun to bleed… how wretched. And the blood is black as well, I’ve never seen anything like this… oh my…

BE WARY SIR!

Run sir, hide yourself. This blood seems to be a form of last sacrifice on the part of this hideous creature. His own demise is imminent and so he plans to destroy us all in the process. Please sir, take cover. Yes, yes… I think we’re all safe. ¬†Except for… oh no…

Death Knight down! Death Knight down! We’ve lost Zaxuvaerr! Quick, we need a resurrection. Druid, bring him back to life!

Druid, now, what are you doing? What is wrong with you? Battle rez on the tank.

WTF, brez tank. gogogogo, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOOMKIN BREZ TANK.

might as well wipe it, this is over, no way we’re gonna make it at this point. just wipe it so we can get a mass rez off. stupid boomkin doesn’t know how to brez. oh wait, hold on.. BURN BOSS BURN BOSS COME ON YOU GUYS GOT THIS

We’ve survived! Oh my, what a close call. My sincerest apologies, sir. I had simply forgotten that you had used your incredible powers to save my good friend Salvanias mere seconds before our encounter with the the large rocky gentleman. And said gentleman was holding two pairs of gloves for a vanquisher such as yourself! The fates are certainly shining their fortune upon you as a form of apology for the rudeness and disrespect I showed you in the heat of the battle. I am certain that at least a single pair of these gloves shall find home within your wardrobe.

Oh…

Well, I’m not sure who that mage was but he’s gone now, so thankfully he won’t be able to steal any more potential gear from a champion such as yourself. I don’t even know what he’s going to do with two pairs of gloves. Let us continue.

The Gentlman and The Ball

None of us here understands the relationship between this gentleman and his ball. Attack him at will.

Huzzah! Sheer force hath struck down this foe! And best of all, a pair of legs for our feathered friend here! Roll, boozekin! Roll with the passion of a thousand souls yearning for their loved ones! Roll with the vigor of a thousand warriors drenched in the blood of their defeated foes! Roll with pride, strength, and determination!

Grats Zaxuvaerr!

The Congressional Gentleman

This next gentleman shall prove to be quite the challenge. He has compatriots of many colors that will be convening to meet with him. These dangerous allies of his will be moving too quickly for us to dispose of them all, so we must only choose one. I will notify you as to which colored ally we will be vanquishing.

GREEN! No wait YELLOW! Oh okay yeah GREEN!!!!

WTF GUYS gotta all focus on one ooze. omg wipe it, stop heals

STOP HEALS YOU GUYS IT’S OVER omg how do you guys not even know how to stack? would it kill you to watch a damn video, takes like 2 minutes. WE ALL FOCUS AN OOZE AND WE KILL IT THIS IS NOT HARD

kill void omg, LISTEN I CAN’T HEAL YOU IF YOU DON’T KILL THE VOID

uuuuuuuuuuugh come on people. why are you all such retards?!!?!?

Praise the light! We’ve succeeded! These gentlemen are providing quite the challenge, but we’re succeeding by the skin of our teeth, aren’t we? And legs for a Druid! This will be your time, boozekin, I can feel it.

Grats Zaxuvaerr! Lol 2 piece on ur alt already man ur lucky

The Lady of Harsh Weather Conditions

Oh my, now this is a cheeky one here, isn’t she? Hah! Look at her now, she’s retreated into a shell in the center of this circle. And she’s forming lines of ice? As if ice could prove hazardous to daring adventurers such as ourselves, hah! Oh, the ice is moving now… what do we…

BREZ ME NEED A BREZ HERE PLZ

uuuuuuuugh okay whatever just keep killing her. NO DON’T STAND IN MID YOU RETARDS GET OUT OF MID.

okay lightning part, i know this everybody gotta run together WTF HOW DO YOU EVEN LOSE THE CHARGE YOU JUST RUN IN A CIRCLE.

i don’t even know how you got that boss down, yall don’t even deserve to be 85. stupid blizz nerfed this content so hard, people like you are gonna be the death of wow. so stupid.

The Kind Gentleman That Chooses To Only Harm You Once Every Thirty Seconds

This next gentleman is far too friendly. What a jolly old chap! Not only will he only be harming you once every thirty seconds, but we’re also going to be providing you with a unique ability that will allow you to completely avoid the damage that he attempts to inflict upon you. It’s almost as if this gentleman wants us to defeat him! Far too simple, I say, far too simple.

Well that first attack didn’t go very well. My friends, please remember to activate your special abilities, lest you wish death upon yourselves…

ok LOL seriously? click button it’s not hard.

ugh okay it’s just not worth the heals. HEALERS PLS DON’T HEAL DPS THAT FAILS AT BUTTON

come on guys almost got it gogogogogogogog

uuuuuuuuungh well of course we hit enrage, not enough dps in this group. L2 NOT FAIL NUBS

okay let’s get back in here we got it this time JUST REMEMBER TO HIT BUTTON PLS

Haha! Yes, we showed that gentleman just who’s boss around here! And he had leather gear on his person! Boozekin? Is this not the specialization of gear that you can equip? Oh yes, I can certainly feel it in my bones, this shall be yours. This shall most certainly be yours!

YES! The druid has won the gear! Wait, which druid was that? Ah yes, one of our healers. Well done, you’ve earned it!

The Gentleman in the Sky

lol just kill things, stand in purple swirlies

The Viscious Terrain

I don’t know where we are at this point, but this ground looks strange. And tentacles have sprouted from the earth! Aid me, boozekin! I fear for my well-being! Fire all over this ground… so terrible. Destroy these tentacles. I find their hideous writhing to be highly upsetting to my stomach. What’s this? A ledge? Perhaps I’ll just take a moment to empty the contents of my digestive system. Oh my, it feels as though the entire ground is shifting underneath me… wait… this is no ground… we’re still in the air! OH MY A DRAGON! Why is he turning like thi…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………..

Okay, well that was not fun. Let’s take a second to determine a solid course of action before we proceed any furth…

HEY WHO STARTED IT

uuuuugh that’s ok we can still do this, okay tanks pick up big adds, we can still do this. okay everyone stack on tanks bring in bloods. no wait don’t stack everyone move back BUT GET BIG ADD TO THE PLATE.

OKAY BURN TENDON

ok easy kiil another tentacle. okay tanks pick up big add

lots of dead bloods, kite add.

TANKS KITE ADD omg hello tanks kite add

NO EVERYBODY STOP TAUNTING ITS TANKS JOB TO KITE ADD

okay okay we’re good, okay, kill tendrons

omg googogogogogogo we got this ok kill next tentacle NO JUST ONE

damnit we got two adds, it’s a wipe

wait, okay no we still got this, focus lower add. okay okay okay

omg burn tendor omg pls pls gogogog yesssssssssss

aww no drood gear, lolujelly?

The Handsome Gentleman of the Wave-Tossed Pillars

Oh my god, it’s 4am, why am I still writing this crap. I’m posting it as-is. Goodnight folks.

8 responses to “How to LFR and The Dragon’s Soul: The Classiest Guide

  1. This is amazing. I felt as though all my looking for raid moments had been narrated by a nice English gentleman….that starts to lose his composure over time and revert back to the times he spent in that one college in America because he’s been drinking WAY too much Brandy. I’m also very fond of the ending. Sometimes you just have to say “I don’t give a shit anymore, I’m out” I feel that.

  2. Pingback: Suggested Reading: December 17, 2011 « Tree Heals Go Woosh

  3. *dies of LOL*

    I hate that fscking Zaxuvaerr. (Although, to be fair, I’ve had much better loot luck on my boomkin than on my spriest. No one else wants my spell leather, I guess.)

  4. Hilarious and sadly accurate with what I have been through, except no spell leather for me and…sadly half the raid was druids….

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