Probably Not How Any Real Blizzard Meetings Work

Morhaime: Okay everybody, we’re good to go with the WoW Annual Pass. The web team has assured us that we’ll be good to go for Blizzcon so we’re still on track to announce it there. We’re definitely gonna do the free copy of Diablo but we need a few more perks for our subscribers who might not care about D3. So let’s start brainstorming. Who’s got some ideas?

Stockton: What about an exclusive pet? I mean, we’re doing the whole pet battle thing so maybe that would be a nice way to…

Chilton: No, no, no. We agreed that the pet battle thing is gonna be pretty controversial for the more hardcore crowd. This would just be more fuel for their fire. We need to do something different with this.

Street: How about an extra talent point for every…

Metzen: Shut up, Greg. Sorry I’m late everybody, just had to fire our valet guy. He was about to get mud all over my carpeting. Did I miss anything?

Morhaime: Hey Chris. No, we’re just getting started. Cory, I really like that idea but I agree with Tom. We don’t want to do a pet overload.

Stockton: Okay, how about a mount then? It’s cosmetic but we could still make it cool enough that people will want it.

Chilton: I could get behind that. It would definitely have to be appealing enough to sway people who might be on the fence.

Street: Ooh, I know. We could make it a giant crab that walks sideways and it has a…

Metzen: Shut up, Greg.

Morhaime: Guys, guys. Blizzcon is only a month away. There’s no way the art team is going to be able to get a mount ready that quickly.

Metzen: So? We just recycle somethink they’re already working on. Can we just take something from D3? I mean, yeah, we still have to animate it into WoW but who says we have to have it ready at Blizzcon? Just throw up a picture and tell them they’ll get it in the next patch. Done.

Stockton: That’s actually not a bad idea. Maybe some sort of monstrous creature from D3′s bestiary would work.

Morhaime: Well let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. We’ll get with the art teams and see what they have and if we can get that going quickly enough then we go with a mount. Otherwise, we nix it. I’ll write it up on the board here for now.

Street: Don’t forget to write down the crab thing, too.

Metzen: Shut up, Greg.

Morhaime: Okay what else? That’s good but it’s still not enough.

Metzen: Not enough? It’s a damn mount. They love that shit, they don’t need anything else.

Morhaime. But what if the mounts don’t work out, Chris? Come on. Let’s get serious here. We need more. Tom? Cory? Any ideas?

Chilton: I don’t know. This is really tough. I want to give them a lot of cool things but we can’t really do anything game-breaking or anything where people absolutely have to have the pass.

Stockton: I was thinking some sort of priority registration or something for Blizzcon next year.

Metzen: Oh, I can’t do Blizzcon next year. I’ve got a thing.

Morhaime: Okay, let me just make a quick note here… cancel… blizzcon… okay got it.

Stockton: You know what? That actually made me think of something. What if we gave them priority something else? Like they can get Mists before everyone else or something?

Chilton: That wouldn’t really be fair, you’d still be forcing people to get the annual pass if they want realm first or anything like that. Races for achievements would be completely broken.

Street: We could remove achievements.

Metzen: YES!

Morhaime: Wait what? You’re agreeing with that?

Metzen: Oh sorry, I just beat my high score on Bejeweled.

Street: So does that mean we’re removing achievements? I’ll start writing a dev watercooler about it.

All: Shut up, Greg.

Metzen: Alright, so you need something that lets people be feel like they’re important and first but doesn’t actually mean shit? Beta access. Done.

Chilton: Hmm…

Morhaime: Actually, I like that a lot. Tom? Cory? Thoughts?

Stockton: No objections from me.

Chilton: That actually might be a good way to find more bugs in the beta. To really flood it with people but still make them feel like they’re getting something special. I like it.

Street: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whaaaaaaat? You guys that’s crazy. No way the beta servers are gonna be able to¬†accommodate¬†that many people.

Metzen: Seriously, why do we keep inviting this guy to meetings?

Morhaime: Greg. Don’t be stupid. With that many people, nobody’s going to expect to be able to play all at once. The betas are there to help us test stuff out. People know that and they know that crashing the servers isn’t gonna let us test anything.

Street: So… queue times to get onto the servers?

All: *groan*

Stockton: I really think we need to get him some help. Like, I’m not even joking here. Greg might have some sort of serious problem. Did he seriously just suggest going back to LK-era queue times to get onto servers? That shit completely blew up in our face. I don’t want to go back to that, even if it is just for the beta.

Chilton: You guys already know how I feel about this guy. I’m not even gonna waste my breath repeating it.

Metzen: So are we done here? D3, Mount, Beta. We good?

Chilton: Oh, you know what? Let’s just make sure the legal team works with the web team to make sure we word all this stuff correctly. Mount in the next patch, D3 when it releases, beta when it’s available. Otherwise the crazier ones are gonna whine all over the forums about how they didn’t get this stuff instantly.

Stockton: Oh my god, you’re right. You know, it’s funny… as long as we’ve been doing this, I never remember that we have to plan this stuff out for the lowest common denominator of our fanbase. Could you just imagine people on the forums going apeshit about the beta not being available for them yet?

Metzen: Wait, are you kidding me? We gotta deal with bullshit like that? It’s ready when it’s ready. Tough titties.

Morhaime: Yeah, but some people just don’t get that. We’ll make sure to add that into the legalese. Good catch, Tom. We really dodged a bullet there.

Metzen: Who wants to hear some Thrall lines?

All: *cheer*

I don't know where I found this picture but it's a pretty good cap for this post. The end.