That’s right! In a stunning victory for “the little guy,” the assholes at Blizzard have finally given up the Anaheim Convention Center for the far more popular Boozecon!

As you may recall, Boozecon 2011 was CANCELLED last year because those dicks wanted to tell us about pandas or some shit. And so I was BUMPED from the Anaheim Convention Center in favor of those twats. I vowed that this would never happen again.

And it fucking won’t.

How you like me now, Blizz?!?!?! Huh? Whatchoo gonna do when the big drunk chicken pukes alcohol all over you?!?!

They sure are, Aldous. They sure are.

I am proud to announce that Boozecon 2012 will be held October 19-20 at the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim, CA.

And for those of you that are wondering if Anthony Hopkins will be returning for this year’s event, he has unfortunately been out of contact since last year’s cancellation. But don’t worry, we’ve been in talks with some other pretty big celebrities and we’ll release that information when available.

I can go ahead and announce that we will be having a live musical performance from Level 90 Elite Tauren Chieftain because they don’t do shit else during the year and performing once a year in October is the only way they can feed their families. I can be a nice guy sometimes.

Stay tuned for more information regarding special guests and ticketing information.

Interactive Video Strategy Guides

How many times have you watched a video strategy guide for an upcoming boss attempt and thought to yourself “I really can’t tell what they’re talking about, I’ll just have to wait until I see it”? I know I have. But what if your player could be standing there in the middle of the video while the rest of the raid kept going. Wouldn’t that be amazing? You would be free to make mistakes which don’t have any major consequences but you could also follow the rest of the raid and just get a general feel for how that particular encounter is designed.

I’m about to blow your mind right here:

THIS IS WHAT LFR IS.

Yeah, let that settle in for a second. How many of you completed the LFR modes of a boss before completing their Normal mode counterparts? Do you think the LFR version left you better equipped to tackle the Normal version? Even if you still had to go look up a guide for the normal version, you had already seen the fight. You knew how it worked, you knew what all the abilities looked like, and you knew what was being talked about when the narrators discussed specific boss abilities.

Now think about how many times you’ve made mistakes in LFR. There are a few mistakes that would potentially kill you, but most of them just give you a nice big slap on the wrist and say “Now now, don’t do that again.”

It’s not really fair to say that Dragon Soul is easier because it has an introductory raid setting, but it’s definitely one of the contributing factors to the accessibility of the normal mode. One could debate that if Firelands had an LFR mode, then it would have made the normal mode feel easier too.

Together We Stand, Divided We Fall

It’s important that I clarify something here. Despite the fact that I brought up LFR, I am trying to compare normal modes to normal modes. It’s only fair.

What really got me thinking about this whole thing was the general mechanics of the boss fights. Overall, Dragon Soul encounters seem to have mechanics that require the entire raid to do something together or at the same time. Let’s do a quick (and very simplistic) review of their mechanics:

Morchok – Everyone get out of the black stuff.
Zonozz – Everyone bounce the ball, then stack.
Yorsaj – Everyone kill this slime, then stack (or don’t stack).
I’m currently realizing that I don’t know how those two assholes spell their names.
Hagara – Everyone run in a circle.
Ultranixon (lol i think he sounds like nixon) – Everyone push the button, push it again if you get the light.
Blackhorn – Okay, this one is the anomaly as there’s a lot for everyone to watch out for. Personally I think it’s the most interesting fight of this tier. It still has some “everybody do this” mechanics, but a successful raid will split up DPS assignments and responsibilities.
Spine/Madness – Everyone kill this, stack here, move to next spot, kill this, stack here, move to next spot, etc.

The point I’m trying to make here is that everyone is generally working on the same thing at the same time. It’s very easy for a raid leader to call out what everybody should be doing at any particular moment in time.

But Firelands? No way. It seems like the majority of the fight required you to split your raid up into two (or more) teams, that would all have very different tasks to accomplish. Let’s go ahead and review their individual mechanics. I acknowledge the fact that I really simplified the Dragon Soul boss fights down, so I’m going to attempt to simplify the Firelands encounters down AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

Shannox – DPS focus Rage, then evenly bring down Rip/Shannox. Tanks coordinate freezing Rip and kiting to drop stacks. Everyone come together at the end to kill boss.
Beth’tilac – Tank/Healer go up at same time with rest of “up team”. Some of “down team” focus drone, some spinners, some spiderlings. Keep drone away from spiderlings. Everyone come together at the end to kill boss.
Rhyolith – “Steering team” coordinate DPS on left or right leg in order to turn Rhyo so that he hits volcanos. Tank pick up adds for “ranged team” to kill. Everyone come together at the end to kill boss.
Alysrazor – One or two DPS fly up into the air and fly through rings and basically tell the rest of the raid to go bugger off. Tanks pick up eggs when they hatch and kite them to eat worms, rest of DPS keep the druids of the flame locked down until they die. Everyone come together at the end to avoid tornados then kill boss. Repeat if boss isn’t dead.
Baleroc – First two DPS take first crystal, second two DPS take second crystal, rotate. One healer take soakers, one healer take tank(s). Rotate.
Staghelm – This one’s definitely the anomaly here. Everyone stack up, everyone spread out.
Ragnaros – Watch out for a million random things that are all happening at the same time, go kill your assigned add, stack for eggs then everyone move out of eggs together, go kill your assigned add again, continue to watch for the million random things but if Rag’s balls are following you then kite them and keep them out of raid.

I would argue that it would be impossible for a raid leader to call out everything in most of these fights. In some cases, you’re just far too split up to be able to see everything. In other cases (like Baleroc and Ragnaros) everyone just really needs to be able to take care of their own individual assignment and watch for anything that might one shot them.

These fights were complicated and annoying and such a pain to learn.

And I LOVED IT.

For me, the harder the fight is, the better the reward when you finally get the boss down. That feeling that you had so many things to watch out for and you did them all PERFECTLY. That’s why I play this game. It’s awesome.

Staghelm was underwhelming, on our first night attempting him, our guild managed to down him on our second pull.  There was no feeling of joy, it just… happened. But the sheer crazyballs mechanics of all the other fights made it my absolute favorite tier of raiding. Many will disagree with me, I know, and that’s okay (actually it’s not okay but we’ll let it slide). But damn I loved that tier.

So Then What?

Every tier of raiding always gets easier. Your gear improves, you end up knowing the fights like the back of your hand, it’s just the circle of raiding. But then one night during Alysrazor when I was a chicken flying through rings up in the air, I came to the realization that I didn’t enjoy that fight at all.  It started out as my favorite fight of the entire instance but after it became second nature I just realized I was playing a single player game. All these complicated routines I had learned in all of the encounters had such terrible diminishing returns because there was no more decision involved. On Shannox, Beth, Rhyo, etc, I’d kill what I was supposed to and wouldn’t stand in anything that would kill me… cool. But it wasn’t fun anymore. I was just doing what I was supposed to, there was little to no communication during the fight, it was just… happening.

But then Staghelm came around and the diminishing returns didn’t hit him as hard. It took me a while to realize why I still kind of enjoyed that fight, even after it posed no challenge whatsoever for us.

It’s because we were still making decisions and acting as a guild in the middle of the fight. It’s a really basic concept, stack when you want him to go scorpion, split up when you want him to go cat. But it really kept the fight… ALIVE.

The Future of Dragon Soul

So will the same thing happen to Dragon Soul? Will I get as tired of the fights as quickly? Probably not. I’m tired of Morchok already, but the rest of the fights just still continue to feel really fresh and group-oriented for me.

The Staghelm fight alone is absolutely incredible. It takes a lot of the complication of the Firelands encounters but scales it down so that your entire group feels like they’re achieving something together.

I don’t really have an ending here. I’m not sure that I have much of a point. Maybe I’m just asking for more fights like the ones I like… that’s pretty selfish of me. Just some observations to think about. I’m not even drunk right now. I’ll make the next one funny, I promise.

Trampled by Turtles – this is bluegrass and it’s really good bluegrass

Dead to Me – some of the best punk rock i’ve heard in a while. THEY GOT TWO LEAD SINGERS

House Boat – They sound like chixdiggit, rades and i agree on this fact

The Bloodroots Barter – more bluegrass, this time with a raspy voice and sometimes a chick that can’t sing singing. fucking awesome

oh great i have the hiccups

Joyce Manor – oh my god i love this album

tUnE-yArDs – yes that’s how she spells her name but dang yo this is some awesome shits

The Horrible Crowes – basically i love the gaslight anthem and this is the lead singer’s other band so it’s also awesome by default

Red City Radio – pretty good punk

Laura Stevenson & The Cans – this one’s got a girl who is the lead singer and man i’m a sucker for that

Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room – i always wished that the alkaline trio would just start playing country/folk songs and i think this is as close as we’re gonna get

ugh these hiccups are not going away

Fucked Up – basically they have redefined (defined?) hardcore rock operas

The Wonder Years – at first glance this is pussy pop punk and you feel like a pussy for listening to it, but it turns out it’s kind of excellent

The Copyrights – the best pop punk act currently out there

Pokey LaFarge – when you ask children “what do you want to be when you grow up?” they will all say “Pokey LaFarge”

The Decemberists – they put out an EP this year and it’s good

Against Me! – they also put out an EP but really they should have called it a single because it’s just 2 songs and one of them is called “occult enemies” and i like to play that song whenever i am killing things in wow

Night Birds – i wish more bands did punk rock the way these guys do punk rock

Cobra Skulls – cowpunk, their last album was a bit more cow and this one is a bit more punk, i’m not sure which one i like more

Wild Flag – remember that chick from sleater-kinney? she’s got a new band that is not as good but is still good

Man Man – so damn fucking weird

Teenage Bottlerocket – i know they had a recent EP but i don’t even know for sure if it came out in 2011, whatever they’re awesome

The Swellers – pretty much the best pop rock out there

Beirut – again, i don’t know if this came out in 2011 but who gives a shit at this point

this list had better end soon because these hiccups are fucking annoying

Bomb The Music Industry! – consistently incredible

Continental – this is some good ass punk rock

Mariachi El Bronx – fuck yeah horns section

Andrew Jackson Jihad – not as good as his previous work, but still better than the shit you listen to

Murder By Death – they just put out a collection of b-sides and live stuff but it’s good

ok i guess that’s enough, go listen to all this stuff or else we’re not friends anymore

EDIT: because i forgot a couple of awesome things

O’Death – great folk

Banner Pilot – great punk

ok that’s enough FOR REAL until i remember some other things i forgot

"I know what you're thinking... what kind of an idiot reindeer walks into the Alterac Mountains and gets himself captured by the Greench? This idiot reindeer!"

Yeah! It’s Christmas! Or Winter’s Vale! Or something, I don’t know. This year instead of queuing up to kill a boss every day for a chance at a pet, you get to fly out to Alterac every day and save Chris Metzen for a chance at a pet.  I’ve heard a lot of people saying that this is difficult to solo, so I’ve decided to write a guide on how to do it.

Step 1: Get to Where You’re Going

If you’re Horde it’s pretty easy. From Orgrimmar, you hop on the zeppelin to Tirisfal Glades. Once you arrive, you fly south until you arrive at the snow covered mountains of Alterac.

If you’re Alliance I’m sure it’s also pretty easy. I don’t know where you dicks hang out so just find it yourself cuz I don’t give a shit.

Pit stops are okay. Chris Metzen will understand.

Step 2: Find the Bags You Have to Loot

I don’t remember what’s in them, but you can see them in the background of my picture up there. Just go pick one up. I guess it’s reindeer food?

Step 3: Go Talk to Chris Metzen

This is the fun part, when you first show up he’s gonna be smiling all big and happy. Then when you talk to him he’s gonna get pumped up. Like… super pumped up.  He’ll say some RP stuff like “Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! Where my Horde at!” And then he’ll wait for you to cheer and then he’ll say “You know what class I love most? That’s right… DRUIDS!” and then you have to cheer some more. Obviously, his text will differ based on your faction and class, but you get the idea.

And then he’ll get serious. “Listen Aldous. I need to thank you. From the bottom of my heart, if it wasn’t for you then I might not have been able to survive. LET US REJOICE! And celebrate this feast. Enjoy the festivities my friend. FOR THE HORDE!”

Then he’ll fly away and probably go take a nap because he hasn’t slept for 72 straight hours.

But Aldous… What’s This I Hear About The Greench?!?!

Umm… I don’t really know. I’ve heard of him too, but I’ve never actually seen him. I’ve also heard that there was some big beta access going on these past few weekends and so my best guess is that a lot of people saw this Greench fellow during that and Blizzard for some reason decided to pull him right before the holiday launched.

Don’t worry though, it doesn’t matter. Just fly out and get your shit.

Done.

Sometimes you want to go... where everybody drives you to alcoholism.

If something happens, you take the specified number of drinks. Let’s get down to business:

Someone is wearing PvP gear – 1

Tank is wearing PvP gear – 2

Someone drops group – 1

Someone drops group during boss fight – 2

Tank drops group during boss fight – 3

Hear the “you are now queued” sound – 1

Someone is AFK for an entire encounter – 1

Someone pulls/starts the encounter before the group is ready – 2

Someone ignores a basic boss mechanic (switch to ooze, press button, etc) – 1

A DPS does less than 10k – 1

A DPS does less than 5k – 3

Raid Leader refuses to give anyone else assist – 1

Raid Leader gives everyone assist, chaos ensues – 3

Raid wipes on a boss – 3

Raid wipes on trash – 5

Successfully defeat a boss – Down one full drink

No gear that you can use drops – 1

You roll on gear and someone else wins it – 1

You roll on gear and someone else wins it for their off spec – 3

You win a piece of gear – Down one full drink

Nobody else rolls on your piece of gear – Down two full drinks

Have fun! Get drunk!

*Please Raid Responsibly*

Welcome to our raid, friend. My, what lovely feathers you’re wearing all over your person. I’m glad you’ve decided to join us. We have had a strong need for a boozekin like yourself in our group and I’m pleased to see that this void is finally filled. I’ll be discussing our plans for the evening and explaining our actions as we proceed. Please feel free to interject as you see fit.

The Lesser Beings

Before we are able to reach any beings of great magnitude that provide us with rewards for their assassination, we must face some slightly lesser beings. The decimation of these foes is of the utmost importance. The rest of us will be going off to gather drinks at this point, but you are well suited to handle these creatures on your own, yes? Oh, I almost forgot to mention… the hunter you see down there in group five? His name is Salvanias. He may not be providing much damage but in the unlikely event that his death should occur during an encounter with these vile beasts, we will be expecting you to resurrect him whilst we are still within combat. We understand that this might slip from your mind, and so we have asked him to send you ghostly whispers from the dead until you have performed this task. I shudder to think of the consequences if you do not.

The Large Rocky Gentleman

Well done, sir. You’re performing extremely well thus far. This first major encounter should be incredibly easy for you. Simply stand in one place and attack this large rocky gentleman that stands before us. Let us begin. Yes, yes, very good. Hahaha, this foe shall be nothing more than rubble soon enough. Oh my… he has begun to bleed… how wretched. And the blood is black as well, I’ve never seen anything like this… oh my…

BE WARY SIR!

Run sir, hide yourself. This blood seems to be a form of last sacrifice on the part of this hideous creature. His own demise is imminent and so he plans to destroy us all in the process. Please sir, take cover. Yes, yes… I think we’re all safe.  Except for… oh no…

Death Knight down! Death Knight down! We’ve lost Zaxuvaerr! Quick, we need a resurrection. Druid, bring him back to life!

Druid, now, what are you doing? What is wrong with you? Battle rez on the tank.

WTF, brez tank. gogogogo, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOOMKIN BREZ TANK.

might as well wipe it, this is over, no way we’re gonna make it at this point. just wipe it so we can get a mass rez off. stupid boomkin doesn’t know how to brez. oh wait, hold on.. BURN BOSS BURN BOSS COME ON YOU GUYS GOT THIS

We’ve survived! Oh my, what a close call. My sincerest apologies, sir. I had simply forgotten that you had used your incredible powers to save my good friend Salvanias mere seconds before our encounter with the the large rocky gentleman. And said gentleman was holding two pairs of gloves for a vanquisher such as yourself! The fates are certainly shining their fortune upon you as a form of apology for the rudeness and disrespect I showed you in the heat of the battle. I am certain that at least a single pair of these gloves shall find home within your wardrobe.

Oh…

Well, I’m not sure who that mage was but he’s gone now, so thankfully he won’t be able to steal any more potential gear from a champion such as yourself. I don’t even know what he’s going to do with two pairs of gloves. Let us continue.

The Gentlman and The Ball

None of us here understands the relationship between this gentleman and his ball. Attack him at will.

Huzzah! Sheer force hath struck down this foe! And best of all, a pair of legs for our feathered friend here! Roll, boozekin! Roll with the passion of a thousand souls yearning for their loved ones! Roll with the vigor of a thousand warriors drenched in the blood of their defeated foes! Roll with pride, strength, and determination!

Grats Zaxuvaerr!

The Congressional Gentleman

This next gentleman shall prove to be quite the challenge. He has compatriots of many colors that will be convening to meet with him. These dangerous allies of his will be moving too quickly for us to dispose of them all, so we must only choose one. I will notify you as to which colored ally we will be vanquishing.

GREEN! No wait YELLOW! Oh okay yeah GREEN!!!!

WTF GUYS gotta all focus on one ooze. omg wipe it, stop heals

STOP HEALS YOU GUYS IT’S OVER omg how do you guys not even know how to stack? would it kill you to watch a damn video, takes like 2 minutes. WE ALL FOCUS AN OOZE AND WE KILL IT THIS IS NOT HARD

kill void omg, LISTEN I CAN’T HEAL YOU IF YOU DON’T KILL THE VOID

uuuuuuuuuuugh come on people. why are you all such retards?!!?!?

Praise the light! We’ve succeeded! These gentlemen are providing quite the challenge, but we’re succeeding by the skin of our teeth, aren’t we? And legs for a Druid! This will be your time, boozekin, I can feel it.

Grats Zaxuvaerr! Lol 2 piece on ur alt already man ur lucky

The Lady of Harsh Weather Conditions

Oh my, now this is a cheeky one here, isn’t she? Hah! Look at her now, she’s retreated into a shell in the center of this circle. And she’s forming lines of ice? As if ice could prove hazardous to daring adventurers such as ourselves, hah! Oh, the ice is moving now… what do we…

BREZ ME NEED A BREZ HERE PLZ

uuuuuuuugh okay whatever just keep killing her. NO DON’T STAND IN MID YOU RETARDS GET OUT OF MID.

okay lightning part, i know this everybody gotta run together WTF HOW DO YOU EVEN LOSE THE CHARGE YOU JUST RUN IN A CIRCLE.

i don’t even know how you got that boss down, yall don’t even deserve to be 85. stupid blizz nerfed this content so hard, people like you are gonna be the death of wow. so stupid.

The Kind Gentleman That Chooses To Only Harm You Once Every Thirty Seconds

This next gentleman is far too friendly. What a jolly old chap! Not only will he only be harming you once every thirty seconds, but we’re also going to be providing you with a unique ability that will allow you to completely avoid the damage that he attempts to inflict upon you. It’s almost as if this gentleman wants us to defeat him! Far too simple, I say, far too simple.

Well that first attack didn’t go very well. My friends, please remember to activate your special abilities, lest you wish death upon yourselves…

ok LOL seriously? click button it’s not hard.

ugh okay it’s just not worth the heals. HEALERS PLS DON’T HEAL DPS THAT FAILS AT BUTTON

come on guys almost got it gogogogogogogog

uuuuuuuuungh well of course we hit enrage, not enough dps in this group. L2 NOT FAIL NUBS

okay let’s get back in here we got it this time JUST REMEMBER TO HIT BUTTON PLS

Haha! Yes, we showed that gentleman just who’s boss around here! And he had leather gear on his person! Boozekin? Is this not the specialization of gear that you can equip? Oh yes, I can certainly feel it in my bones, this shall be yours. This shall most certainly be yours!

YES! The druid has won the gear! Wait, which druid was that? Ah yes, one of our healers. Well done, you’ve earned it!

The Gentleman in the Sky

lol just kill things, stand in purple swirlies

The Viscious Terrain

I don’t know where we are at this point, but this ground looks strange. And tentacles have sprouted from the earth! Aid me, boozekin! I fear for my well-being! Fire all over this ground… so terrible. Destroy these tentacles. I find their hideous writhing to be highly upsetting to my stomach. What’s this? A ledge? Perhaps I’ll just take a moment to empty the contents of my digestive system. Oh my, it feels as though the entire ground is shifting underneath me… wait… this is no ground… we’re still in the air! OH MY A DRAGON! Why is he turning like thi…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………..

Okay, well that was not fun. Let’s take a second to determine a solid course of action before we proceed any furth…

HEY WHO STARTED IT

uuuuugh that’s ok we can still do this, okay tanks pick up big adds, we can still do this. okay everyone stack on tanks bring in bloods. no wait don’t stack everyone move back BUT GET BIG ADD TO THE PLATE.

OKAY BURN TENDON

ok easy kiil another tentacle. okay tanks pick up big add

lots of dead bloods, kite add.

TANKS KITE ADD omg hello tanks kite add

NO EVERYBODY STOP TAUNTING ITS TANKS JOB TO KITE ADD

okay okay we’re good, okay, kill tendrons

omg googogogogogogo we got this ok kill next tentacle NO JUST ONE

damnit we got two adds, it’s a wipe

wait, okay no we still got this, focus lower add. okay okay okay

omg burn tendor omg pls pls gogogog yesssssssssss

aww no drood gear, lolujelly?

The Handsome Gentleman of the Wave-Tossed Pillars

Oh my god, it’s 4am, why am I still writing this crap. I’m posting it as-is. Goodnight folks.

Unlock the power.

Sorry about the delay folks. 4.3 was relatively smooth for addons, but on the flip side it was an absolute nightmare for getting the updated Game Genie codes. Nevertheless, I’ve gone through and found updated codes for you to use. As always, these codes do require you to have a functional version of Game Genie running alongside the game.

DF2B-AFD4 Start with 1 life instead of 3
D42B-AFD4 Start with 2 lives
D92B-AFD4 Start with 5 lives
DB2B-AFD4 Start with 9 lives
492B-AFD4 Start with 25 lives
9D2B-AFD4 Start with 50 lives
BB2B-AFD4 Start with 99 lives
DD21-DFD4 Infinite lives
C220-D464 Infinite power
DF66-04A7 Extra life with 1 pizza slice instead of 8
D466-04A7 Extra life with 2 pizza slices
D766-04A7 Extra life with 3 pizza slices
D066-04A7 Extra life with 4 pizza slices
D966-04A7 Extra life with 5 pizza slices
D166-04A7 Extra life with 6 pizza slices
D566-04A7 Extra life with 7 pizza slices
DD2A-A76F Infinite baseballs, slingshot ammo and rifle bullets
3DB1-07D5 Power boost on jumps
ADB1-07D5 Super power boost on jumps
DF23-A764 Need 1 item (instead of 24) to complete level 1
D923-A764 Need 5 items to complete level 1
FD23-A764 Need 10 items to complete level 1
F923-A764 Need 15 items to complete level 1
4D23-A764 Need 20 items to complete level 1
DF23-A7A4 Need 1 item (instead of 30) to complete level 2
D923-A7A4 Need 5 items to complete level 2
FD23-A7A4 Need 10 items to complete level 2
F923-A7A4 Need 15 items to complete level 2
4D23-A7A4 Need 20 items to complete level 2
4923-A7A4 Need 25 items to complete level 2
DF2E-ADD4 Need 1 item (instead of 35) to complete level 3
D92E-ADD4 Need 5 items to complete level 3
FD2E-ADD4 Need 10 items to complete level 3
F92E-ADD4 Need 15 items to complete level 3
4D2E-ADD4 Need 20 items to complete level 3
492E-ADD4 Need 25 items to complete level 3
DF2E-AD04 Need 1 item (instead of 35) to complete level 4
D92E-AD04 Need 5 items to complete level 4
FD2E-AD04 Need 10 items to complete level 4
F92E-AD04 Need 15 items to complete level 4
4D2E-AD04 Need 20 items to complete level 4
492E-AD04 Need 25 items to complete level 4
DF69-DFAD + AB69-D40D + D769-D46D Start on level 2
D469-DFAD + AB69-D40D + D769-D46D Start on level 3
D769-DFAD + AB69-D40D + D769-D46D Start on level 4

The desk was just a simple brown board with four legs. No drawers to hold anything for there was nothing to hold. The top of the desk was entirely clear except for a single scrap of parchment. Behind it was the chair, the only chair in the room. Years of wear had given it the appearance of something that would soon be nothing more than a pile of splinters. Yet for now it stood.

Shelves lined the entire perimeter of the walls, their lengths coated with dust save a few spots where items had recently been moved. One shelf, third from the top, had a larger spot without any dust. As if it had been hastily brushed away. Another, just underneath, had claw marks. And on another, third from the bottom, stood a small pool of blood.

The air in the room was heavy. Comfortably heavy. Like a warm coat of fur on a cold day. It made one feel safe. Not a false sense of security or a promise that no wrong would occur, but a promise that one would be capable of handling anything.

There were no sources of light in the room, archaic, arcane, or otherwise. But there were many holes carved into the walls to create windows of no distinctive shape. They seemed to capture the moonlight just perfectly enough to illuminate whatever needed to be seen. Aldous stood in front of one such window.

He was visibly shaken.

Every few seconds he would begin to shapeshift. A massive paw would form on the end of his arm, feathers would began sprouting all over his body, branches would grow from his horns. But they would just as quickly stop and he would revert to his normal Tauren form. It was hard to tell if Aldous was ready to spring into action to attack a target or if he was more concerned about defending against a potential intruder. Either way, the treants were certain that something was troubling him.

After a few minutes of this, Aldous finally turned from the window, seemingly content that looking out was no longer a necessity.

“You’re probably wondering why I summoned you here this evening.”

His voice rang throughout the room. A surge of emotions ran through the treants. At once, the treants felt more at ease. They felt that they had to go out and get to work, yet they felt as though they could stay in that room forever. They felt as though they held unequaled power and they felt all the more aware of their vulnerabilities.

It was always something about his voice.

“There’s been an attempt on my life. Here. This evening. I don’t know if this was personal or if they were simply looking to procure one of my many artifacts. I can’t stay here with my possessions at all times so I’ve moved them to a safe location until we know more. The human that attacked me was a worthless rogue, clearly just a hired hand. I disposed of him easily. I want to know who hired him.”

Aldous sat in the chair as it buckled slightly under his weight. He ran his hands over the parchment.

“I found this on the assassin. I believe it may be a clue to discovering who wanted me killed.”

He picked up the parchment and reached it out to Grove. As Grove accepted it, he began reading over the written words.

AD SELVERI

“I don’t know what it means, but I can’t investigate it out of fear that they may be watching me. If I was getting close then they would know instantly. You treants are my only hope. Find whatever this means and bring this scoundrel to justice. The strength of the ancients lies within you. You are a force of nature to be reckoned with. Now go. I won’t be here, but you’ll know where to find me again when the time is right.”

With that, Aldous stood, turned, and jumped out of the window, giving the treants just enough time to see his tail begin to form before he completely left their line of sight.

But his voice continued to echo in their ears. They stood their for a few moments more, still in awe of his presence.

Finally, Grove spoke up.

“Okay team. We’ve got a job to do. And this one’s not just any old job. This one’s for Aldous. Let’s get to work.”